


SHIELD has problems staying out of everyone's business, as usual

by TheTartWitch



Category: D.Gray-man, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Brief mentions of the Beansprout, Crackfic to the max, Gen, Lenalee kidnaps her kidnappers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:10:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7142033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTartWitch/pseuds/TheTartWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wasn't often tailed, or followed during phone calls, but it didn't matter; as an Exorcist she'd learned to screen all communication for bugs or tracking devices, and any information passing from her to the others was in code, unless they knew for certain there wasn't anyone or anything that mattered that would overhear. Something was different this time, however; for some reason, the crackle of a hidden device was reaching her ears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SHIELD has problems staying out of everyone's business, as usual

**Author's Note:**

> A crackfic to the max is being posted here, just so you know...

When Lenalee walks down these streets, it's like she never left the Order. She knows Komui's worried for her, that he hates it when her eyes go far away, but sometimes the bittersweet reminder is exactly what she needs. Seeing the people living here, smiling and laughing and  _so young_ , it helps her. This sight would never be here if the Order had been allowed to continue, and thanks to her and the others, the Order has been wiped out for good from this sacred place. 

She wasn't often tailed, or followed during phone calls, but it didn't matter; as an Exorcist she'd learned to screen all communication for bugs or tracking devices, and any information passing from her to the others was in code, unless they knew for certain there wasn't anyone or anything that mattered that would overhear. Something was different this time, however; for some reason, the crackle of a hidden device was reaching her ears. 

She deliberated for a moment as she walked, sight-seeing, and eventually stopped in front of a fruit cart. She smiled at the woman who greeted her and lifted an apple from the cart, making sure to be obvious about dropping a note underneath it when the woman wasn't looking before buying a pear for the road and continuing on her way.  

 _P_ _erhaps something interesting is about to begin_ , she thought with a wry smile, before remembering what she'd written on the note.  

 ** _I_** ** _t's rude to ask a lady out without even giving your name, Mr. Tail. ;)_**  

 

 ** _\--------_**  

 

Komui knew better than to scold her for her actions, or for the childish giggle she'd given when both tails had immediately pulled back as though chastised. Lavi had complained about some tails of his own,though of course it wasn't straight out. Even from this end she could hear the steady, quiet hum of someone listening in. From an outsider's point of view, his neighbor's flowers had started encroaching on his yard and he was thinking of cutting off the heads so she'd get the memo. It was funny, considering he lived in an apartment and he considered the window pots his lawn. 

Kanda wasn't so forgiving. His tail had been questioned and disposed of, but what worried Lenalee was that  _two is a coincidence, Lenalee, and three is a pattern._ Different situations, maybe, but same principle: somebody knew there was something off about them. Judging from what Kanda had found out, that was all they knew so far. But it was still too much.  

She hung up the phone and sighed to herself. "We've grown lax," she murmured, and sat to think. By the time Komui returned from work, she'd already created new identities for them and was packed. His face fell a little when he saw it, but he didn’t argue, just picked up the bags she'd packed for him and started nattering on about Tony Stark's newest invention, some sort of breakthrough way of performing cranial scans and what that could mean for Stark Industries' medical branch. She smiled and nodded and made sure the taxi to the airport wasn't driven by an assassin.  

 

\---------- 

 

It was only a few weeks later that she found another tail, this time on Komui. It was indisputably a message:  _we found you once, and you thought you got away, so here's a warning for you._ _S_ _ee how quickly and easily we can find you again?_ For some reason, there was only one this time.  

Lenalee had had enough.  

It wasn't hard to double back on the woman trailing behind her and knock the poor thing to the ground. The woman might be proficient in a combat setting, but she'd obviously never faced anything more difficult than that, unlike Lenalee. The phone she was carrying was a password-encrypted smartphone, but it only took five minutes of talking to get the woman to give up the code ( _55476_ ) and even less than that for Lenalee to find the woman's boss in contacts.  

"Hello?" She greeted when it finished ringing. There was an audible intake of breath on the other end. "Don't hyperventilate, she's fine. I haven't even hurt her. I just want to know why you're following me? Because this doesn't seem to be random, and it's kind of annoying me."  

The man on the other end was quiet for a moment. "Is this Maria Lain?" He asked, voice polite. She sighed. 

"We both know that's not actually my name, mister. Now, what's going on?"  

"One of our informants listed you when asked for people who could end the world. We're simply keeping up with protocol, Ms. Lee."  

"You're a dick. Who's this 'informant'? And'keeping up with protocol' sure looks strange, seeing as I've made no threatening moves in any way towards anyone not following me or my brother. Tell me who you work for, and depending on your answer this nice blonde Eleanor Corrigan will be found, either in a hole in the ground or on a plane ride wherever she'd like to go. Think fast, Mister Man." Lenalee winked at the woman, flashing a wallet and her own cell phone in her face. Pulled up was Eleanor Corrigan's file.  

There was another deep pause. "I'll contact my superiors for clearance, ma'am. Please wait a moment." Lenalee scowled and murmured into the phone, "Every moment you keep me waiting is another moment that I spend rethinking my decision to leave her alive, Mister Man." 

A click sounded through the line, and Lavi's voice spoke. "Lenalee! So you had the same idea, huh? These agents are so cute!"  

She grinned and reached down to hoist the agent onto her shoulder. "Hey, Lavi. How's your tail?" 

"Tried to catch me with my trousers down. She's having a go at challenging Gramps for the Insult Title but otherwise fine. You know our policy; just because Kanda doesn't like leaving witnesses doesn't mean the rest of us don't stick to the rules!" 

"I trust you, Lavi, just checking. You know how it is." She stepped around the corner and legged it across the street to her apartment where Komui was making tea. "Are you aware this was supposed to be a private line or something?" 

"Eh, I figure, they're already tapping me anyway, why not say hi." There was a shuffling noise and a muffled curse. "Say, you heard from Beansprout recently? I hear he's in some shit again." 

"If he needed help he'd let us know. You worry too much; what about the Network? Word would reach us if anything happened." It was cinnamon tea today; perhaps Komui was trying new things? It certainly didn't hurt, when he'd lived so long.  

Another click sounded on the line.  

"Ms. Lee?" 

"Mister Man. You wanna let me know who you are or should I send your girl back in pieces?"  

"We're with SHIELD, Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division." 

"Great! Now,I have no intention of ending the world or even injuring it, but if you send another babysitter after me I may have to destroy a few cities to vent my frustration. Are we clear?" 

"Hey, do you remember that one city in -" 

"Lavi." 

"Yes, ma'am." Both men agreed, and she giggled.  

"Alrighty then, Miss Eleanor, you are free to go. Of course, if I ever see you again in this city while I'm in it, I'm pretty creative with household objects. Don't tempt me." The woman snorted as she stood and shook herself out. "Bye-bye, honey!" Lenalee called after her, hanging up the phone. _I'm going to keep that phone,_ she smirked to herself.  

Komui was smart enough not to comment on the evil laughter radiating from the living room. 


End file.
